


A Heart's Secret

by FanWriter83



Series: BatCat stories [3]
Category: Gotham - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Few appearances of Sherlock
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 08:37:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14733629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FanWriter83/pseuds/FanWriter83
Summary: This one-shot started as a gif I put on my tumblr page, then my friend tylily requested me to turn it into a FF and this is the results. I think I will use this story for multiple other batcat one-shots, either requested by fans and friends or from my own mind xD





	1. A Heart's Secret

**Author's Note:**

> This one-shot started as a gif I put on my tumblr page, then my friend tylily requested me to turn it into a FF and this is the results. I think I will use this story for multiple other batcat one-shots, either requested by fans and friends or from my own mind xD

Fish was out with some of her monsters to collect medicines for their mutations. This time it was an easy job so she didn't need Selina to open doors for her, which the young street girl was pleased about. It gave her the opportunity to get to know one of the younger female monsters, Nancy.

"I don't remember much about the live I had before Indian Hill?" Nancy whispered behind her mask. "I guess that is something Strange took away from me, and now I wouldn't know how to survive without Fish or my brother, Sid."

Selina sits up from her thin mattress then frowns; "Sid is your brother?"

Nancy, who lied beside her on the mattress like best buddies, looked at the street girl then asks; "Yeah, why you ask?"

"Oh you know, he doesn't look like you at all."

"Yeah, that's all that creepy professor's fault," Nancy grumbled and clenched her fists slightly. "Sid had amazing dark hair before Strange did those experiments on him."

Selina smirks then slumps back into the pillows; "I expected him to be blond."

"What?" This time Nancy sat up and frowns; "Why did you think he would be blond?"

Selina simply shrugs then says instead of answering Nancy's question; "I also expected him to be your boyfriend."

"Speaking about boyfriend's, do you have one, Cat?" Nancy blurted out.

Selina starts to blush slightly at that question then looks away.

"I take that as a yes."

Selina instantly snapped her eyes back onto Nancy and scowls; "That's a no!"

"Oh come on, there must be someone you like? Otherwise you wouldn't blush like that."

Selina throws a pillow at Nancy's face then jumps up from the matrass and strolls to the living room, which is still empty. Nancy followed instantly then drops beside Selina on the couch.

"What's his name?"

Selina turns the TV on and ignores Nancy as she pretends to be engrossed with the show. Nancy didn't give up, though.

"Come on, I won't tell, promise."

Selina drops the remote with an eye roll then replies; "Fine, his name is Bruce Wayne, but he's just a FRIEND!"

"Okay…"

Selina sighs deep then comments; "He's too squeaky clean for my taste. Not to mention that awful sense of humor, or the fact he's over thinking everything, or over analysing stuff. Though, he can cook so I guess that's his only plus. Other than that he's stubborn, gullible, pristine clean, and don't make me start about his clothing. Also, that little brat ditched me for six months of Switzerland, can you believe it? Of course I told him that Italy is better. "

There is a long awkward pause, then Selina drags in another annoyed sigh and blurts out; "Fine, I guess there is something between us. I mean, when that backstabbing silver haired bimbo came along…

"You felt slightly jealous?"

"No! I felt…I felt…a suddenly invisible gap between me and Bruce. I mean, that clean dress of hers, the pretty hair, the clean face… I suddenly started to realize I wasn't the only girl in Bruce's world anymore. And what I hated the most was that I didn't know why I felt like that. I'm a loner, always have been, but when Bruce told me he missed me, and when I thought I lost my best friend, I wanted nothing else than be with him. But she was there, Silver."

Nancy listened with her elbow leaning on the backrest of the couch while resting her hand into the palm then comments; "She sounds horrible."

"She was!" Selina stated. "I could sense it when she walked in the room, only I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt for Bruce's sake, but then she told him to inform his crappy butler about my arrival, and the stupid kid took the bait like a gullible fish and left me alone with that two-faced bitch."

"What happened?"

Selina grunts while thinking about it the replies; "She told me to back off. She told me Bruce was her friend, and hers only. After she called me street trash I wanted to punch her pristine face so hard, but Bruce walked back in and she played all innocent again. She suddenly made me remember why I kept a twenty feet distance away from rich people. Unless they have something to snatch of course."

"Is she still around?"

"No. I unmasked her true intentions and Bruce trampled her poor little heart, though I doubt those tears were fake and I think she only pretended to be heartbroken, but the look on her face when she found out that her kidnapping and Bruce's was just staged from Bruce's part, was just priceless."

Selina laughs about her own comment then looks serious again and starts fidgeting with her sleeve of her jacket; "I guess there is nothing more than friendship between me and Bruce Wayne. I am kidding myself to think if the feelings are mutual."

"Do you want it to be mutual?"

Selina shrugs; "I don't know, maybe. I mean, after my mom left me I made a promise to myself to never come close to another person. My mom's 'love' didn't make her love me enough to stay, so why would anyone else? At certain points I don't even know what I feel for Bruce is truly love. He's the most idiotic boy I ever met. He gets himself into danger over and over again without doing pretty much nothing. It's his skill, that's for sure. When we were on the streets together for a while, and we met new people, he was like; 'hi, I'm Bruce Wayne,' which resulted into getting chased ALL the time. There was even this time it seemed like we nailed our job, but I stupidly knocked my arm and dropped the bag with money. I told Bruce to leave it, but he wanted to be heroically and grabbed it anyway. Once we were safe on the next building and the crook was roaring at us, Bruce opened the bag and grabbed a handful of money before making it rain onto the people on the streets bellow. I was furious at him and that moment my feelings for him was like throwing him down that building than rush down myself to catch him."

"Sounds like someone is in love with Bruce Wayne," a boy's voice guffawed and the two girls looked at the door in alarm noticing Sid grinning at them.

Selina was in too much of a shock to respond at that moment, but Nancy grunts angrily; "Sid, how many times do I have to tell you to not use your new ability to sneak up on people and listen at their conversations!"

Sid simply smirks; "You can't tell me what to do, sis. In fact, I'm going to use my speed ability to visit Wayne Manor and tell that rich boy all about the affections your new friend here has for him."

Nancy jumps to her feet then exclaims; "Sid, I demand you to-

"I'LL KILL YOU IF YOU DO!" Selina suddenly yelled then jumped to her feet as well.

Instead of being taken aback by Selina's threat, Sid grinned and sped off. Selina storms after him, and so does Nancy. Before Selina has the chance to spurt out the front door, Nancy sprints around her and blocks her path in the doorway.

"I'm sorry, Cat, but I can't let you kill my idiotic brother."

Selina grabs her knife then scowls; "Fine, I'll guess I can always slice you like a kipper?"

"A what?"

"I have no idea, but according to Bruce's crappy butler it's some British smoked fish."

Nancy's starts to ponder as if she's trying to picture herself being sliced like a foreign fish then steps out the way and says; "You know what, I'll just let you catch my brother instead. It will learn him to not eaves drop on people."

"Excellent decision, Nancy. SID, GET YOUR BUTT BACK BEFORE I KILL YOU!"

And with that, Selina storms after Sid who now ran on normal human speed because it seemed the ability Hugo gave him was like a battery and needed to be charged every now and then. Not that it made him scared, because he noticed he could still out run his sister's crazy friend and tell Bruce Wayne about the secrets in her heart.


	2. What If (The Alleyway Scene)

Selina strolls with her recently stolen milk down the alleyway when a little, scrawny street cat walks up from behind the dumpsters looking for food. The street girl walks over then bends down to fill up a small tin foiled cup with the milk. While the little cat drinks Selina pets its dirty coat.

Suddenly the street girl turns her head in alarm at the sound of female laughter. At the end of the alleyway she spots three people walk talking and laughing. By the looks of it it's a family.

Quietly and stealthy Selina slips back up the fire escape while the family walk down the alleyway who are not aware of her presence. They keep talking about a play they watched.

The boy and his dad obviously didn't like the play and made fun of it while the woman tried to change their minds by telling them she liked the music and that the acting was fine as well, but the two are hard to persuade.

"I'm sorry mom, but I agree with dad," the boy said who walked closely beside his dad. "It was kinda lame."

The man chuckles and replies; "There is no such thing as 'kinda'. It was totally lame."

The young boy agreed with his dad then laughing again. The two adults can't help themselves and smile as well.

Selina who was still hiding on the fire escape watch the family walk by then from the corner of her eyes she sees another person walk toward them.

"Listen folks," the man suddenly said and points a gun at the two adults and the boy. The woman gasps in shock then wrapping her arms protectively around her son's neck. "Give me your money!"

The boy looks sideways to his dad to see what he's going to do. The dad, protecting his family, reaches for his pocket and hands the robber his wallet.

"The necklace!" the robber demanded and the woman grabs at the back of her neck to take off the pearl necklace. The robber snatches it so quickly the strain breaks and the pearls fall and bounce onto the concrete street.

Selina still sits on the fire escape watching in horror what happens next. The man slowly moves forward to step between the robber and his family, but then a gunshot echoes through the darkness and the Selina sees the boy sink to the ground.

"NOO!" the two adults scream in horror then collapsing beside their son and the father takes the boy in his arms while his mother held the boy's hand when the redness of his blood seeped through his tuxedo.

"Why?" the father gasped when tears escaped his eyes then looked at the robber's masked face. "My son hasn't done anything."

"You know why," the robber replied then picks up the pearls and leaves the alleyway in a hurry while the parents stay behind with their son.

Selina looks on in shock when the father takes his phone from his pocket then ordering his wife to call an ambulance while he tries to stop the bleeding by putting pressure on the wound with his tuxedo jacket. But the woman is in too much of a shock and crying uncontrollably while she screams her son's name.

Then the father takes his wife's hand and puts it on the jacket and the wound for pressure and calls the ambulance himself. Once he had done that, Selina saw him call again and ordering a man named Alfred to meet them at the hospital.

It didn't take long for the ambulance and the police to arrive at the scene which was Selina's cue to leave. She didn't want to get arrested or send to Juvie.

* * *

The past few days the boy, Bruce, haunted Selina's mind, and every now and then she snatched a newspaper from a nearby stand to see if they said anything about Bruce Wayne's health, but every time it was the same news; "Bruce Wayne is still in critical condition."

Then, nearly a week later she stole another newspaper that contained good news about the billionaire's condition. He had woken up and his vitals were strong. The news brought a smile on the young girl's face.

The same day she snuck into the hospital with her friend Ivy who wanted to search for food while Selina searched for the billionaire's hospital room. It didn't take long for her to find it, because it was the only room that has security by the door.

"Great," Selina muttered under her breath, though she kind of had expected it. Then she felt her friend Ivy breath down her neck before she whispered who was staying in that room. "I tell you later, okay? What I want you to do is try to steal that security guards wallet."

Ivy drops her mouth then exclaims; "Are you crazy? If he catches me and calls my parents, my dad will be furious, you know he will."

"Then make sure he doesn't catch you," Selina replied with an eye roll. "I just need a few minutes to get inside and soon I'm in, you can drop the wallet as you make way to the entrance hall. Soon you're outside, a security guard never pursues. He will get his wallet and return to his duties, trust me. I saw it happen many times."

Ivy snorts; "Trust you? I don't really think so, but I have no choice, do I?"

"Nope," Selina said with a smirk.

Ivy drags in an annoyed sigh then spits; "Make sure you steal some of that patient's food, and don't you dare to eat it. It's mine for the trouble you possibly get me into."

Selina nods understandably then Ivy sneaks from their hiding place and lingers closer to the security guard. Roughly she takes the man's wallet then makes a quick break for it when the security guard starts to pursue her.

The cat-like street girl presses herself closer against the wall when Ivy and the security guard run past her then sprints into the hallway that leads to the billionaire's hospital room. She closes it and moves the blinds down.

"Who are you?"

Selina spins around on her feet then sighing in relief when she sees it's just the boy who had woken up and now pushed himself up, warily.

"Do I know you?"

Selina's eyes dart to the tray of untouched food on the boy's nightstand. The boy notices it and smiles; "You can have some, if you like."

Cautiously she steps closer, then taking the apple and puts it into her jacket pocket. It's practically the only thing her friend eats. Then she takes the cube of applesauce and the spoon before moving her eyes back onto the boy who eyes her up and down, interestedly.

Then, instantly waking up from his love-daze, the boy holds his hand out to her and smiles; "My name is Bruce Wayne."

Selina grabs his hand then shaking it firmly and replies; "Selina Kyle. People call me Cat."

"Nice to meet you, Cat."

Selina then sits down and they start to talk for a while. They both don't know why, but it feels like they already know each other for years.


	3. Phone Pranks

Selina already broke more than 1000 rules since her stay at Wayne Manor, and she used him in the pranks most of the time, so Bruce decided it was time to prank Selina as payback.

 _"It's daring, but I can do it,"_ Bruce thinks to himself.  _"Alfred will be very disappointed in me, and Selina will most likely inflict lots of pain on my body when she catches me."_

Bruce gulps anxiously, but then puffs his chest almost instantly.

_"No Bruce, you can do it! You have to. Ha, she first has to catch me before she can whoop my ass."_

Bruce grabs Selina's futuristic phone that she got as present from her friend, Annie, then starts to mess with a few things.

"Ugh, why does Ivy always need me when I'm busy?!" Selina grunted and stomped into the study room. "B, have you seen my smartphone?"

Bruce, sitting behind his desk now, points nonchalantly at the window sill and says, casually; "Take a wild guess."

Selina throws a stink eye at her friend, then grabs the phone and disappears through the window.

Bruce sits back in his chair and smirks, wickedly.

* * *

"Ivy, how many times do I need to tell you; I'm way too busy with pulling antics and pranks on everyone so why can't you do this 'crisis' thing of yours by yourself?!"

Ivy simply smiles; "Pengy and I are going to build an army and we want you to join us."

"Ivy, I have better things to do than joining you and Penguin's 'love is a battlefield' war."

Ivy purses her lips; "Like what?"

Selina widens her eyes in utter astonishment then exclaims; "Like what you ask? Like what? Right now I…

**"yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want,  
so tell me what you want, what you really really want!"**

Realizing it's her phone, Selina snatches it from her pocket then looks at the caller ID and her face turns from awkward and embarrassed to murderous. Then she rounds on her heels and runs away.

Ivy frowns confused then yells; "Selina, what are you going to do?!"

"KILL BRUCE WAYNE!"

But once Selina climbed her way back inside the manor, Bruce was securely hiding in his Super-Secret Hiding spot, the attic.


	4. Apologies

Selina and Tabitha are counting the profits they made for the night then suddenly hear the sound of guitar strings. The two felines share a questioned look when a piano joins the guitar on cue.

Selina follows Tabitha to the club area and find Bruce standing in the middle of the stage, holding a microphone then he bursts into singing. Tabitha and Selina both winced because it sounded squeaky, high pitched and horrid.

"Sorry for the road that I won't take…  
for the words that I won't say…  
For the love that I won't give…

Sorry for the heart that I won't show…  
For the lengths that I won't go…  
For the life that you won't live…"

"Bruce, just…" Selina tried and even signalled at the young billionaire to cut his signing, but Bruce closed his eyes to emphasise his words as he went to the next part of the song.

Tabitha and Selina both resumed wincing and even closed their ears.

"You will FORGET…  
And I won't remember it…  
When all I ever did was race in CIRCLES…  
You will FORGET…  
And all there's left will be…  
A faded MEMORY…  
A dream you woke up FROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…

"BRUCE!"

Bruce stops singing then Selina signals at the kid's band to knock it off as well then once the peace and quiet has returned, Selina sighed; "Bruce, did you just copy a song sang by Kensington?"

"Yes, but every word came straight from my heart."

Tabitha snorts; "Yes, we noticed that. You're lucky we won't charge you for the windows that broke soon you poured your heart out." Then noticing Selina's eye of the tiger; "You know what, I'm in the back, counting our profits for a second time."

"Thank you," Selina said then waited for Tabitha to leave and sighed; "Bruce, you can't just show up at my new job then sing a song that you didn't write yourself."

Bruce simply smiles then takes a piece of paper from his inside pocket and says, gleefully; "But I did write one myself. You wanna hear it?"

"No, not…

"And when I see your FACE…"

"Face, face, face," the musicians in the background sing.

Selina slaps her fore head; "Bruce, are you trying to sweep me off my feet with a song by Bruno Mars?"

Bruce hangs his head down in defeat and sighs; "Fine, I'm a terrible song writer, but hey, I can at least sing, right?"

"No, not really."

"You're right, I'm a horrible song writer and a horrible singer."

Selina chews on the inside her mouth then asks; "And…?"

"And I took you for granted, and I shouldn't have kept secrets from you, and I shouldn't have chased you out of my life and…"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it. You have been a jerk and you're here to make it up with me, right? But come on, a stupid song won't sweep me off my feet, Bruce!"

Bruce nods; "Yeah, I knew that, but I read in this book there is a test to find out the girl is the one. If she doesn't pummel your face when you do something she hates…

"Bruce, let me remind you that I just discovered a whip and I can use it to inflict lots of pain on your body before you pass out, so if you dare to say I l…

"I have enough money in my pocket to buy you a hamburger or three."

"Hey, only because I'm a girl doesn't mean I'm watching my diet!"

"And that's why I took extra money for a milkshake and even a desert."

Selina looks thoughtfully for a moment then says; "Fine, I'll let you sweep me off my feet with food, but I want two milkshakes and two deserts."

"And that's why I took my credit card with me."


	5. BatCat and the High Functional Sociopath

"Miss Kyle!" Alfred bellowed with booming voice when he opened the front door and realized it was the high functional sociopath from London. He still regrets visiting his friend, John, more than a year ago. He wouldn't have done it if he knew John was shacking together with a crazy person.

Selina, who heard her name and ignored the way it sounded, slides down the staircase railing then dashes down the hallway to meet Alfred by the front door.

"Jeeves, where are your manners," she grunted when she saw her friend from London was still standing outside. Then she smiles; "Please tell me you didn't bring John with you. One stern person in this house is enough."

Selina steps aside so her friend, Sherlock, can enter. Alfred tried to prevent her from doing so by rooting strong in his spot behind the door so she could not open it further. Then a sharp pain below his knee cap made his plan fail.

"Alfred, you a very awful host!"

The butler threw a stink-eye at the girl to mask the pain then wobbled away to find Bruce. Maybe he could talk some sense into the crazy house cat.

Sherlock remains standing in the doorway holding his bag with clothes up ready for Alfred to take like a perfect little butler then meets Selina's eyes, warily as the butler left. Selina rolls her eyes then grabs the bag and drops it nonchalantly into a corner.

"I'm sure Alfred will clean it up later. In the meantime we have some serious talking to do regarding Bruce, because that's why I asked you to come here."

Sherlock nods understandably then points at the owl ornament on the hallway cupboard; "That's a very hideous thing."

"Yeah, if it wasn't such an important thing for Bruce, I would have knocked it to the ground by now. Anyway, the reason why I asked you to come here is; Bruce decided to sharpen his detective skills though his only example is crappy detective Gordon."

Sherlock nods understandably; "And you want me to teach him what I know?"

"Yes."

"Impossible!"

"Why?"

"Because he's not smart enough. He stuffs his head full with too much nonsense leaving no room for stuff that matters."

Selina nods; "I agree, but…

"Stuff about how to persuade you into a relationship."

Selina's jaws drop momentarily before she snorts; "As if! Trust me, I tried flirting with him but it's like flirting with a wall."

"Maybe because when he tries to flirt with you, you react like…

"SHUT UP! Now, just try to rub some of your deducting skills onto Bruce. And in the meantime, maybe you can figure out what this ornament freak does so we can solve the case and I can break it."

Sherlock smiles then lifts the owl up and turns his back toward the light that seeps through the window, creating a map on the wall in front of them.

"Solved!" Sherlock said with a cue cocky smirk.

Selina gasps astonished; "You are amazing! I knew you would come in handy. Wait, I'm so gonna rub this in Alfred's face every time he talks trash about you, starting right now."

Selina takes the owl then dashes up the stairs, proudly.

* * *

"FORENSIC GUY?!" Selina yelled from the top of her lungs then bowled inside Nygma's apartment and looked around the place. "Whoa, he really digs the color green just like Ivy."

"It's the Riddler!" Nygma yelled from the back, obviously his bedroom. "Also, who let you in?"

Selina smirks, not that Nygma sees that, "Your door! Anyway, I'm here with a friend. You met him once at the GCPD."

Ed walks inside wearing a green tuxedo and a green bowler hat including a cane then asks cheerfully; "What do you think?"

Selina's face turns red due to the fit of laughter she's holding in then replies, casually as possible; "Maybe you need to add some purple."

"Why?"

Selina shrugs then adds; "Or cats. Maybe purple cats."

"Okay, you know what, out!"

Selina rolls her eyes; "Hey, you asked me for advice and this is what I get? It's not my fault you have an early midlife crisis."

"I said out!"

Selina ignores Nygma then points at her friend; "Do you remember Sherlock? I'm pretty sure you do because he made you cry."

"How did that one way romantic relationship with that archivist go?" Sherlock asked, totally ignoring the look of rage that filled Nygma's eyes soon he saw him and recognized him.

"That's none of your business!"

Sherlock ignores the venomous tone in Nygma's voice then points at his clothes; "What's with the question mark?"

"It represents my villain name."

Sherlock frowns; "So, what is your villain name, Mr. Cluedo?"

Sherlock and Selina had to run for that one very fast.

Selina, Sherlock, and Bruce are hiding behind a shrub that has a clear view on the building across the street.

"And you are sure her last name is Monroe and that she lives here?"

Sherlock sighs tiredly; "Cat, of course I'm sure. I'll just cross checked all the Kathryn's that live in Gotham. It was not that hard. Once you eliminate the ones that are not blonde, rich, like wearing fur, and without any rap sheets you only find one woman, Kathryn Monroe."

"That's impressive," Selina gasps.

Bruce rolls his eyes; "Oh come on! I'm pretty sure there are more Kathryn's in Gotham without a rap sheet! Also, how do you even know she doesn't have a rap sheet?!"

Selina smacks Bruce to the head then replies; "Bruce, someone who tries to hide a super-secret organisation with sole purpose of destructing an entire city, would not rob a bank."

Bruce rubs the sore spot then says with a stink-eye; "Still, there are many more Kathryn's in Gotham who…" Then Bruce's mouth drops agape upon seeing the woman, who kidnapped him months earlier, stepping onto the balcony, then sighs in defeat; "Fine, you figured it out. What are we going to do?"

Selina smirks; "We are gonna rob her place clean."

Sherlock smacks her head; "Focus Cat! First we gonna break in, then I will torture her to boredom so she will break and tell everything she knows, and then you can rob her place clean."

"Torture her to boredom how exactly?" Bruce scoffed doubtfully.

Sherlock simply smirks; "Just watch and learn, my little apprentice. Just watch and learn."

A few minutes later after breaking into Kathryn's house, Bruce, Sherlock, and Selina got chased out by a group of very angry looking talons.

"And what exactly did I learn today?!" Bruce asked sarcastically while running very hard.

Selina laughs; "To choose your battles carefully, duh!"

"Yeah!" Sherlock laughs. "The most important thing is to know how to run fast, my little apprentice."

"AND DON'T DARE TO COME BACK TO MY HOUSE, BRUCE WAYNE!" Kathryn yelled then shuts the doors of her balcony, forcefully.

* * *

"I'm not entirely sure if we should do this," Bruce said when he, Sherlock, and Selina crouched down to squeeze themselves behind a tiny café menu board stalled on the street. They are following Kathryn since she left her house, alone.

Selina rolls her eyes; "You need to stop worrying so much, B. I've done this many times and no one ever noticed it."

"Yes, alone, not with a tall sociopath who can't keep his elbows out of my face."

Sherlock threw a stink-eye at the boy then watched Kathryn disappear into the most fashioned and expensive boutique. When they approached closer they realized it was a lingerie boutique.

"Ha, even Kathryn buys her own nightwear instead of letting them ordered by her minions," Selina smirked, feeling extremely excited about her new discovery. "But I think that kinda makes sense now thinking about it. If you want to be a dominatrix you need to buy your own stuff."

Selina looked beside her with a clever smirk then notices both male species had relocated themselves behind the menu board.

"Oh come on, don't tell me you never have been in a lingerie store before!"

Sherlock's pale face pokes from behind the board then says; "I did once, with John. He needed something for his girlfriend and the memories are still hunting me."

"You are a sociopath, they don't feel fear! And what about you, nerd? Aren't you coming in for scientific reasons?"

Bruce shakes his head, rapidly.

"Bruce, I see that bikini in there with my name on it, and I need you to tell me how good I look in it."

Sherlock frowns; "They sell bikini's here in this city? Why? It's raining most of the time."

Bruce shrugs equally clueless then gets dragged by the shrub of his neck into the store.

"Selina, why are you doing this to me? They are all looking."

Selina rolls her eyes; "They are not, B. Now shut up and buy this one, this one, and this one."

Selina snatched the third one right before someone else wanted to grab it, and Bruce turned pale instantly, because the person happened to be Kathryn.

"Oh hey, fancy seeing you here," Selina cried surprised, as if she didn't know it already. "Coincidence or what, Bruce?"

Bruce just nodded, and Kathryn flicked with her fingers and a talon appeared beside her.

"Wait, were did he just come from?" Selina frowned. "You know what, never mind. We were just leaving to the counter to pay for this."

Kathryn grabs the bikini then starts pulling it while scowling; "I saw this one first, so give it to me!"

Selina pulls as well, determined to keep it for herself. Bruce whimpers, anxiously looking at the embarrassed looking talon; "Selina, maybe you should let her keep it."

"No way, Bruce! Besides, her big ass won't fit in it."

The talon widened his eyes fear when Kathryn's eyes filled with rage. No one is allowed to call her ass fat and getting away with it.

A few seconds later, Selina and Kathryn roll across the floor in an attempt to snatch the bikini from the other person's hands.

The talon looks at Bruce then clears his throat; "Uhm, are you interested in grabbing a smoothie from the café next door?"

Bruce frowns suspicious; "Are you the one that snatched me from my house?"

"Nah, that was my younger nephew."

Bruce nods understandably; "Okay, sounds legit. Let's grab that smoothie. Maybe Sherlock likes one as well."

The talon and Bruce left the two females fighting on the floor. The battle was finally won by Selina who poked Kathryn's eyes and then yelled in victory; "Mine, all mine!"

Then she dashed out the door with it, without paying for it first.

* * *

Alfred troops up and down the study, disapprovingly. Selina, Bruce, and Sherlock sit on the couch following Alfred with their eyes. Then the butler turns to face them, meeting their eyes one by one.

Sherlock laughs nervously then points to his nostrils before asking; "Do you know your nostrils twitch when you restrain your anger?"

Alfred penetrates his eyes furiously into Sherlock's then says with booming voice and emphasising each word; "Do you have any idea in how much trouble we could be right now? Miss Monroe is not someone to be…

"Mrs. She's married," Sherlock said with an important look.

Selina laughs nervously until Alfred pierces his eyes into hers which makes her stop, abruptly.

"She's the head of a very shadowy company…

"With the intention to blow up this city, yeah we know," Sherlock added. "But relax, I've got it covered. Tonight we'll just go to dock 9C and steal whatever they shipped here."

Selina nods; "Yeah, and it's gonna be cool."

Alfred stares at them for a moment then bellows; "How on Earth did you get that information?!"

Bruce smiles proudly; "The talon we befriended told us."

Alfred clenches his left fist then pulls in a deep shaky breath before looking at his young master.

"Alfred, I know what you are gonna say, but trust me. The best thing is to befriend the enemy then knock them when they least expect it."

Alfred shakes his head, drags in another long breath and blows it out again before starting to straighten his back, regally. Then saying in a tight whisper voice; "Does it occur to any of you, there might be an entire pack of those domino masked idiots waiting for you?!"

Selina snorts; "Please, why would they do that?" Then slowly getting it; "Oh…-no wait, we can send someone to check out the place."

"Great idea," Sherlock smirked. "You know anyone?"

Three pair of eyes slowly meet Alfred's, then send a hinted look.

"No way no!" Alfred bellowed.

Selina rolls her eyes then takes out her phone and starts dialling.

"Oh hey Barb, are you interested in checking out dock 9C for us?" A frown suddenly appears on her face; "Wait, you already know about dock 9C and you just left from there because a ninja like assassin was guarding the weapon and attacked you? Okay…mmm, yes…just one you say? Thanks, that's what I needed to know."

Selina hangs up then smiles; "Okay, the bad news is that the crate is guarded, the good news is that it's not guarded by a pack of domino masked idiots, but just one. Meaning; if we go with the three of us, we are in the majority."

Alfred slaps his forehead.

* * *

"I cannot believe that Alfred managed to lock us all three into the same room," Bruce said.

Selina grunts; "Bruce, calm down okay. All we need to do is charge through this wooden door."

"It's a hard steeled door with wood looking paint," Bruce said then slumped against the wall. "I cannot believe I said yes when Alfred asked for green light on these doors."

Sherlock laughs; "That's because you never think ahead of things."

"Okay, you know what, that door might stop me but there is no window that can make me stop from climbing out."

"Selina, I like your optimism, but the windows are painted shut."

Selina grunts; "Typical. Obviously one of Alfred's another brilliant ideas you gave the okay nod when he asked."

Bruce sighs; "I'm sorry, alright? I've got kidnapped almost a billion times and I got sick of it."

"I think getting kidnapped is what drives you," Sherlock snorts. "Obviously you like being saved by Selina and…

"SHUT UP!"

Selina sighs; "No Bruce, Sherlock has a point. Now, all we need now is a tool to break that lock open, and if you dare to say that lock is made out of unbreakable steel, I'm gonna destroy your face right here and right now."

Bruce shuts his mouth instantly, then sends a sheepishly smile.

Suddenly the door swings open and the see Alfred.

"I think it would be only fair to let you three out, because I just had a call with detective Gordon and he said there is nothing at dock 9C. It was a trap and detective Gordon infiltrated into that shadowy company, so you three have to stop right now before you blow everything."

Selina folds her arms; "Oh I see how it is. Gordon is allowed to infiltrate, but we aren't?"

"He's a cop!"

"I'm a consulting detective!"

Alfred groans aggravated; "I don't care about your made-up job. The GCPD will take care of this. Now, I'll made dinner and…

Alfred nearly got knocked off his feet when Selina charged past him out the door upon hearing the word dinner. Sherlock followed.

Bruce steps toward Alfred and sizes himself up then says; "I know you are just trying to protect me and Selina, but I want you to know that one day I'll do what I want whenever I want."

Alfred rolls his eyes sarcastically; "Really? Does that day also involve the moment you gonna start dressing up like a giant bat like in Miss Kyle's comic books?"

"Yeah, just laugh and guffaw, Alfred, but it actually doesn't sound so bad at all. Gotham will be save and-

"You will become a spoiled billionaire brat by day, right?"

Bruce sighs; "Okay, I admit that is not a very bright idea. But don't worry, if I'll play it right I become Selina's husband by day."

"Not according to those comic books, Master Bruce."

"That's because those comic books are set in a different universe, Alfred. Now, what did you make for dinner."

Alfred opened his mouth to reply at the same time they entered the kitchen then found Selina wolfing down on an entire oven dish full of lasagne.

"What? You can always make more right?" Selina asked with mouth full.

She was met with a stare of rage.


	6. Bruce Wayne's Proto-Batsuit

Alfred walked into the study then nearly dropped his young master's breakfast when he saw a costumed figure descending from the secret cave. After making a second glance he realized it was his young master.

"Hey, Alfred, what do you think?" the young boy asked soon he spotted his agape looking butler. "It really suits me, doesn't it?"

Alfred fixed his facial expression back into curiosity and asks; "Master Bruce, why on Earth are you dressed like…whatever it is you are dressed like."

"It's a batsuit and I made it myself," Bruce said proudly. "I found some old, black fabric and used it to make this suit, black cape, and this mask."

Alfred drags in a deep sigh then says; "Fine, next question, why are you dressed like a giant bat."

"Because I'm Batman!" Bruce replied with deep, raspy voice. "And I'm gonna fight crime!"

"Master Bruce, you can't fight crime looking like…" Alfred said then noticed how his young master's proud look melts into a sad, disappointed look. "Okay, fine, but can you at least eat your breakfast first?"

Bruce looks all excitedly again. He knew his butler would be standing behind him, even if he went out on a suicide mission.

Selina roams down her turf when she sees a dark, costumed figure heading into a nearby alley. A part of her didn't want to after it because usually costumed figures would mean there was another freak on the loose, but there was just something about this figure. She couldn't put her finger on what it could be, but it peeked her curiosity.

After leaping several buildings, Selina arrived onto the building next to the alley and peered down. Now she had a closer look she could see it was a teenage boy. A familiar, teenage boy.

Selina rolls her eyes and mumbles; "You gotta be kidding me." Then she climbs down a fire escape and lands in front of the boy who instinctively takes his fighting position which resulted in another eye roll from Selina. "Relax kid, it's only me. Besides, what are you doing here anyway?"

"Girl I have never seen in my life, my name is Batman and I will strike fear in the hearts of criminals and villains that theorize this city," the dark figure replied with his disguised, grainy voice. Then he started to cough because it was the first time he used it on a long sentence.

Selina gasps dramatically; "Oh man, you've come at the right moment, because I happen to know that there is some girl who accidentally bumped into this costumed freak. Maybe you should go out there and save her."

"I'm on to it-hey, you're talking about us, aren't you."

"Bruce, what's with the bucket?"

"I'm am not Bruce Wayne, I'm Batman!" Then noticing Selina's slightly annoyed look; "Fine, I am Bruce Wayne, but don't tell it to anyone. My identity needs to stay a secret."

Selina sighs; "Bruce, are you really expecting I would tell anyone I happen to know the crazy kid in the giant, black suit? I'm starting to build a reputation here, you know."

"Thanks for keeping my secret, Selina," Bruce said, completely missing the insult in her comment.

"Again, what's with the bucket?"

Bruce takes the bucket off his head then says, proudly looking; "It's not a bucket anymore, it's a cowl. See, I glued bat ears on it and carved holes for my eyes to see and…

"Fine, whatever. What does your butler think of this?"

Bruce shrugs; "Oh you know, he was all emotional about it. He said; 'Master Bruce, I am so proud of how you set your fears aside and get yourself killed'- wait, now I think of it, maybe Alfred was not all proud and emotional but sarcastic."

"No shit, Sherlock," Selina grunted.

"It's Batman."

Selina drags in a deep sigh then asks, eyeing the boy; "Bruce, are you wearing anything underneath that crappy, homemade suit of yours?"

"Ha, you would like to know, wouldn't yah?" Bruce laughed with raspy voice then notices how his friend's eyes turn murderously. Before she could hurt him for the misplaced flirt, Bruce quickly corrects himself; "No, I didn't have enough fabric to make the suit big enough to wear it over my normal clothes, why?"

"I'm out of here," Selina replied and grabbed at the fire escape.

Bruce frowns; "Wait, why?"

"Because around this time, Sonny and his friends use this alley to take a short cut to their house, and I don't want to be here when they beat the shit out of you when they see you wearing shitty clothes like that."

Bruce grins cocky; "No worries, I will beat the shit out of them."

"So you're staying?"

"Yup! I can use them to deliver a message to all the other scum."

Selina starts climbing up the fire escape with an eye roll. If her friend wants to kill himself, why would she stay, right? Then, when she almost reached the roof, her caring side kicked in again and she slid back down to the streets.

"Okay, you know what, I can't stop you from getting yourself killed while trying to be a hero, but you do realize they are in a huge advantage, right?"

"How so?"

"Bruce, have you forgotten how big Sonny Gilzean is?"

"Selina, everyone knows body fat is nothing compared with muscles."

"What muscles, Bruce?"

"They are hidden underneath this suit."

Selina rolls her eyes and replies, sarcastically; "Yeah, I'm sure they are. The same suit that leaves you totally exposed to every blow your body can get."

Bruce looks down at his abdomen then asks with a frown; "What are you talking about? This suit is totally…

Bruce couldn't finish his sentence because Selina used her foot to kick him square in his stomach before he made a short trip through the air and fell in the dumpsters. Then she looks at him with a meaningful look.

"Thanks Selina, point taken," Bruce grunted and rubbed the sore spot before crawling back up to his feet and following her up the fire escape and to the roof.

Alfred was engrossed with dusting the study when Bruce sauntered back into the study and tossed the 'cowl' into the couch, nonchalantly. Then he grabbed the remote, opened the cave and went inside.

The butler sighs then follows the boy down the steps and once they are in the secret room he finally dares to say; "It looks like you took quite a punch. I'm surprised they didn't kill you."

Bruce sits down in his chair then replies; "I've been taken down by one single girl, Alfred. Trust me, in more ways than one."

"Let me guess, Miss Kyle?"

"Yes! Not only she insulted my suit for the way it was crafted, but she also pointed it out in a very painful way. I need ice for my stomach."

Alfred tries to hide a small smirk then says; "Ah, I see. Anything else?"

"Yes, I also need something for my down area and my eye, as you can see."

"May I ask what happened to those two specific areas?"

Bruce looks at his butler then replies with a scowl; "If you really must know, she also punched my face and kicked my groin to show me my weaknesses. Although, that's what she said, but a part of me can't help thinking she did it out of revenge for my misplaced flirt."

"I'll get the ice supply, Master Bruce," Alfred said and turned around back up the stairs before Bruce could tell more about his tale of young unrequited love.

Bruce hoisted himself out of his costume and eyed his bruised abdomen. Selina was right, the costume didn't protect him like he wanted it, but it soon will. Bruce knows it.


	7. Wayne Manor's New Gardener

"Jeeves, no offense, but you really should keep the garden tidy. It took me ten minutes to find my way through that jungle you guys call; front lawn."

Alfred, not taking his eyes off the pancakes he's making for his young master, replies; "Excellent. Maybe in a few more months it might keep you out."

Selina grabs a seat and sits down then pulls her feet up onto the kitchen table with a smirk.

"If you were by butler, I would have fired you ages ago. Not only the job you required to do sucks, but also your manners. I bet Bruce won't like the fact you're growing a jungle outside to keep me out."

"There's not a jungle outside, Miss Kyle," Alfred grunted then walked over to her and pushed her feet off the table. "Also, don't talk about manners when you don't know the meaning of the word."

Suddenly the conservatory door swings open and Bruce steps inside, exhausted and soaking wet.

"Alfred, please do some maintenance in the garden. It's a jungle out there!"

Alfred rolls his eyes; "Did Miss Kyle put you up to this, because it's not a jungle. Why do you kids always need to exaggerate? Also, why on Earth did you take a run when it's raining?"

"It's not raining, Alfred! Due to all the high grass I didn't see the pool and fell in. It took me a while before I finally found my way out of that leaf covered pool water only to take a fifteen minute quest back to the manor. I feel like a hobbit when I walk through the garden."

Selina grins; "B, you are a Hobbit compared with anyone else."

"I am not, Selina. I'll hit the showers."

Alfred sighs; "You want me to keep your pancakes warm, Master Bruce?"

"Nah, Selina can have them! You can always make new ones after I get out of the showers!" Bruce yelled back as he ran up the stairs.

Selina nods agreed; "Yeah, you can always make new ones after he gets out of the showers. Also, try to get some work done in the garden. You don't want your beloved master fall down a rabbit hole, now do you?"

* * *

"Master Bruce, why can't you see the benefit of a bug invested jungle like garden?" Alfred asked when he and Bruce stood on the patio over looking the garden. "It's the best security system ever and also very cheap!"

Bruce looks at his butler as if he's nuts, which he is.

"Alfred, if maintaining the garden is too much, why don't we just hire a gardener?"

This time it was Alfred's turn to look odd at his young master.

"Master Bruce, this is Gotham. This city has no reliable gardeners or whatsoever. It's best to keep it like this, especially if those planks running the asylum fails to keep Mr. Valeska inside."

Bruce slaps his forehead then suddenly the heard a load female scream and saw a blur of red and green coming down what used to be the garden path before it sunk to the ground.

"My poor babies, what happened to you all?! Why can't people respect nature and treat it nicely instead of ruining it?!"

Alfred sighs; "Miss Kyle! Could you please remove your crazy friend out of my garden?!"

Selina's friend, Ivy, lifted her teary eyes up and yelled; "Your garden?! If it's your garden, then why don't you treat it like your garden?!"

"It's my garden and I can do with it what I want. You don't like it, just leave."

Selina steps through the patio doors, chewing on a bar of chocolate then grins with mouthful; "Ivy, you came? I'm telling you, you're the only person who can still save this garden."

"Selina, when you told me on the phone to expect a mess, I expected a mess and not a disaster!"

Selina shrugs; "Sorry, Alfred told me not to exaggerate and that's why I used the word 'mess' when it's actually a disaster."

"The garden looks perfectly fine. I can still find my way, and that's the most important thing. I mean, all Master Bruce does is sitting inside brooding while I'm the one doing the grocery shopping."

Bruce rolls his eyes; "I'm not brooding, Alfred."

"Yes you are."

Bruce sighs then turns to Ivy; "Ivy, do you like to become Wayne Manor's new gardener? I will pay you fairly."

Ivy looks at the plants then replies; "It's gonna cost you heaps, billionaire boy, thanks to your crappy butler. But I tell you what? How about I get a room, three meals a day, and a nice bathroom and in return I'll take care of the garden?"

Bruce shrugs; "Seems fine to me."

Alfred's mouth drops agape; "Master B, are you crazy?"

"Alright, so this is the shitty garden that needs to be burned down?" a female voice asked and they saw a young girl wearing a suit with protection goggles and carrying a flamethrower on her back. "I guess it can be arranged."

Ivy clenches her fists ad yells; "Bridgit, get out! You will not harm my babies."

As the red haired female chased the other female down the jungle like garden, Bruce looks at Selina and asks; "Why did you ask them both to come?"

"Because, Bruce, I wasn't entirely sure whether it was possible to save this garden or that it was best to burn it down. How about we let them fight it out?"

Bruce shrugs; "Sure, if Bridgit wins and wants to do without getting payed for it, I can safe the money to buy you extra burgers on our next date."

"Hey, how about we do the date now? Your fridge is empty and I'm hungry."

"Sure, I don't mind. Oh, and Alfred, make sure they keep fighting outside the manor and not inside. I don't want scorch marks on the furniture."

And with that, Bruce follows Selina through the jungle like garden because he knows she knows it like the back of her hand and he doesn't want to get a wet suit on his first date with Selina.


	8. Surprise Party At Wayne Manor

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one-shot was requested by a friend on tumblr, bitweird01

"AAAGH!" Alfred screamed loudly when he took out the trash and a young woman wearing a leather tight costume with straps popped up in front of him. Her mouth was covered with a mask that looked really similar to a dog's muzzle.

Alfred leaned against the wall of the house to support himself then took in a few deep breaths to calm down.

Knowing she was most likely one of Selina's crazy friends, Alfred roared; "Miss Kyle, how many times do I need to tell you that you need to inform your friends to not sneak up on me?!"

"Maybe you should do something about your jumpiness and screams. I mean, what if it was a Talon or something ready to kidnap Bruce?" Selina yelled as she came walking around the house to meet them.

Alfred scowled. "You know I hate you, right?"

"Yes, I'm very aware of it," Selina smirked then waved at Nancy. "Hey Nance, just a quick question for protection purposes, but are you here on Fish's orders to kidnap Bruce?"

"No, not really. But she did say I had to go to you if I needed party tips."

Selina's eyes glint excitedly. "You're gonna throw a party? Where?"

"Not at your old squad, that's for sure. Ms. Mooney needs the place for her herbal sessions." Then noticing Selina's confused look; "Yeah, the Pharmacy's double guarded their doors so all there is left to do for her is try herbal medicines."

Selina nods understandably then asks; "What's the party for?"

"It's a surprise party for Sid's birthday. He turned seventeen."

Selina yips up and down in glee and yells; "No worries, Wayne Manor is big enough for a party."

"But the Sirens is bigger!" Alfred scowled before Selina even had to chance to come up with more party ideas.

An hour later…at the Sirens….

"Hey Barbara!" Selina called out and skipped inside the nightclub then froze in her track when she saw Barbara, Tabitha, and Butch arguing by the bar. A man was lying unconscious on the floor with a broken champagne bottle beside him.

"Sealed with a kiss, remember?" Tabitha asked and touched Barbara's chin, playfully.

Barbara's eyes turn murderous then she screams; "As long the Court is out there, I WILL NEVER BE IN CONTROL!"

"Don't you mean, we'll never be in control?"

Barbara looks at her best friend and her murderous glare melts into a sad look before she runs off, hysterically.

"Trust me, Nancy, now is not the best time to ask Barbara for favors. Our lives could be in danger if we did, even Alfred has to see that."

Nancy sighs; "Then what do we do?"

"No worries, we have dealt with a stubborn Alfred before. And I also happen to know he's a creature of habits. He always goes to the supermarket around 3pm.

Nancy frowns; "So?"

Selina simply smirks then skips towards Zsasz who's having an early drink. "Hey Zsasz, there's something I need to tell you. Last night, Alfred made all kind of jokes about shiny bald headed people."

"Where can I find him?"

"At 3:45 he will be at the local supermarket, trust me. It's like clockwork."

At 3:45 (like clockwork) Alfred parked his car. Then when he strolled towards the supermarket, Zsasz came from behind a row of cars then waved at him with his signature grin.

Back at Wayne Manor, Bruce strolled inside the study to do some research at his desk when he realized something was not quite right. The spot where his desk is usually positioned is now empty. The same goes for all the furniture except for the large bookcases. The books were gone though.

"SELINA!"

"You called?" Selina grinned cheerfully as she and Nancy entered the room with streamers and balloons.

Bruce takes a short moment to watch how Selina dashes up and down the room throwing streamers around as if it's confetti while Nancy dumped the balloons, randomly.

"Okay, could either one of you tell me what is going on?"

Nancy smiles, but not that it's noticeable because the mask is in the way; "Today it's Sid's birthday and we are going to throw a birthday party."

"Have you asked Alfred?"

Selina nods.

"What did he say?"

Selina sighs. "Alfred said no, but don't you worry. Zsasz got it covered."

"What does that even mean? You know what, never mind. Alfred will turn ape when he comes back and finds this place looking like this."

Selina snorts; "Bruce, trust me, if Zsasz does his job right, Alfred won't come back."

"Wait, you actually asked Zsasz to kill Alfred?!"

Selina simply smiled and left the room to get more streamers.

* * *

7pm, the study was filled with guests and there was still no sign of Alfred. Bruce is really worried.

"Selina, did you or did you not ask Zsasz to kill Alfred?"

Selina pats Bruce on the cheek, sympathetically. "Don't worry, B. Zsasz won't make mistakes."

"But what does that mean?!"

Selina puts her finger onto Bruce's lips then pulls him under a nearby table. All the other guests hide as well.

"So…why did you take me to this pl-wait, are we gonna rob it clean? Man, Fish will be so proud of you, Nancy."

Nancy slapped her forehead for her brother's stupidity then when the boy walked into the study, everybody jumped out of their hiding spot and yelled; "SURPRISE!"

Sid grins excitedly then cries in glee; "Wow, you actually asked other people to come carry the stuff out. That's so thoughtful of you, Nancy."

Nancy smacked the back of her brother's head then exclaims; "It's a surprise party, you idiot."

"But why?"

"Because it's your birthday today! Ugh, you are so stupid sometimes."

Sid grins; "Awesome. First we party then rob it clean. Nancy, you're ideas rock."

Then the boy speeds off to taste some cake and snacks. Bruce keeps looking at his watch anxiously.

"Don't worry, kid. If my sister has a wicked idea she always makes sure the residents will be away so they won't barge in with the police."

Bruce sighs; "You do know I life here, right?"

"Seriously? My apology, I thought you were that scruffy street boy I saw the other day. He looks exactly like you. Wait, don't tell me you keep looking at your watch because you called the police?"

Before Bruce could react, Sid strangled him from behind then yelled at everyone; "This brat called the cops! But do not fear, we will keep him hostage!"

Nancy slapped her forehead. "Seriously, sometimes I wish I left him in that creepy place."

"Sid, relax, Bruce is cool," Selina said, rolling her eyes as she approached them. "I'm pretty sure he didn't call the police."

"He keeps looking at his watch."

Selina sighs; "Bruce, why do you keep looking at your watch instead of partying like everyone else?"

"Because Alfred still hasn't returned. Zsasz didn't call you back either and I'm not sure if I should be happy about it or not, because it could mean Alfred is still alive."

Selina folds her arms. "Bruce, Zsasz is a professional. He won't call when the job is done."

"So you payed him up front?!"

"Actually, this one was free."

Bruce collapses down onto a nearby seat and turns into a sobbing mess.

"Selina, maybe you should tell him you actually didn't ask Zsasz to kill him," Nancy whispered, looking at Bruce sympathetically.

Selina smirks; "Trust me, Nancy, Zsasz doesn't take jokes about his baldness very well. Alfred better needs a pair of good legs to keep out running him."

Somewhere else in Gotham, Alfred realized the same thing when he already outrun Zsasz for nearly five hours. It also seemed Zsasz had an enormous supply of bullets, because he kept reloading gun after gun as he proceeds chasing the poor butler across Gotham.


	9. Selina Kyle VS Bruce Wayne: Antics

**-Selina Kyle vs Bruce Wayne antic #1 – make Bruce Wayne blush-**

Selina chews rapidly on a piece of toast then says with mouthful; "I hate the fact Bruce is growing up so fast. He really needs to lighten up and blush like he usually did."

Alfred rolled his eyes. "Yes, well, Miss Kyle, luckily some boys finally become mature. Some faster than others and personally I'm glad his hormones are finally stabilised. There are already enough boys in this household who can't control theirs."

Selina sighed. "Still, I miss that little, childish blush. I bet it's still in there…somewhere. I will find it and poke it to come out."

"You leave him alone, Miss…

Selina was already out the door searching for Bruce. She found him…in the cave.

"Hey, B, what your doing?"

Bruce kept his eyes fixated on his computer screen when he answered; "Searching information about that crook who…

"Sounds kinda boring. You know what I want to do with you right now?"

Bruce still scanned his eyes across his screen. "I'm busy, Selina. Can we do it some other time?"

"Nah, I'm up for it now," Selina replied as she strokes her fingers up his arm in a flirtatious manner. It didn't seem to bother Bruce at all, so Selina went in for her second move. She leant in and trailed butterfly kisses down his neck.

Okay, that definitely peeked his interest, and Selina knew it. Especially because he looked up as the blood rushed to his cheeks, coloring them bright red. Then he clears his throat as nonchalantly as possible.

"You know, maybe I can spare a few minutes."

Selina looks at her watch then widens her eyes and gasps; "Shoot, it's that late. I promised Ivy to help with her plant project!"

And with that, the street girl dashed out the cave leaving Bruce all by himself, wondering if he should take a cold shower to cool down his hormones.

* * *

**-Selina Kyle vs Bruce Wayne antic #2 – Move all my stuff into Bruce Wayne's room**

Bruce was snoring happily then woke up violently when his door got kicked open and revealed Selina Kyle.

"Wake up, freaky Bat-boy!" she yelled and entered the room, holding a bagel in one hand and a glass of juice in the other. Obviously she took it from the kitchen on the way in. "Remember I told you the other day I needed more space for my stuff? I guess I found it. Your ROOM!"

All Bruce could do was stare warily.

Noticing Bruce wasn't taking the hint, Selina demands with an eye roll; "So…leave!"

Bruce, realizing he couldn't make her change her mind without her yelling at him, decided to just leave. The young billionaire wrapped his sheet around him and scrambled out of his bed.

"Bruce, has anyone ever told you, you look like trash in the morning?" Selina asked as she watched Bruce strolling out of his room then shut the door behind him. Then she looked around and grinned pleased. Yup. She definitely knew what to do with the enormous, neatly cleaned bedroom.

Hours later, Alfred returned from the supermarket and found his beloved young master in the study, lying stretched out and wrapped in a sheet on the couch. The butler sighed.

"Master Bruce, are you sulking because I told you, you couldn't go out on the streets at night and fight criminals?"

Bruce pokes his head from under the sheets then replies; "How dare you to make accusations? I could be sick, you know."

"Are you sick, Master Bruce?"

"No. Gotham's most notorious street thief took over my bedroom, that's why I'm sleeping on the couch."

Alfred slapped his forehead then decided to just leave and put the groceries away, but not before saying as he went out the room; "Master Bruce, please get up and make yourself more presentable. You look like trash."

* * *

**-Selina Kyle vs Bruce Wayne antic #3 –**

"Jeeves, I can't believe you allow Bruce to go out onto the streets to act like a vigilante! I mean, that suit of his is just ridicules. Who made that garbage bag anyway?"

Feeling completely insulted, Mr. Fox replies; "That would be me, Cat. But before you say anything, it's still a work in progress."

"In that case, let me refrain myself; Jeeves, I can't believe you allow Bruce to go out onto the streets to act like a vigilante in a proto-suit! I'm telling you, that mask of his doesn't even protect his, billion dollar worth face properly. Penguin asked me the other day why Bruce Wayne of all people, was climbing up a fire escape chasing some dude? Of course I told him it was Bruce's evil clone."

Mr. Fox frowns. "Did he buy it?"

"Of course he did. I mean, all I had to do was mention Strange and his creepy factory down the asylum, and Penguin knew enough."

"In that case, Master Bruce's secret is still save."

Selina rolls her eyes then snaps; "Yeah, until he gets beaten to pulp and looks even more shitty than he looks in the morning."

"The suit is perfectly save. I made sure it protects Bruce Wayne where it needs to protect him."

Selina snorts. "Trust me, I saw him wearing it and it doesn't have proper protection gear in lots of places. I bet he's out again, so I'll just go find him and proof my point. See you guys in the morning."

And with that, Selina leaves the two males behind.

Later…in a dark alley.

"Booh!"

"AAAGH!" Bruce clasped at his chest and panted in fear.

Selina rolled her eyes. "Seriously, first of all you need to be less jumpy if you want to be Gotham's hero."

"Selina, how many times do I need to tell you to not sneak up to me in dark alleys?"

Selina frowned; "What happened to your voice? It sounds even more creepier than last time."

"Yes, my voice is still a work in progress."

Selina laughs; "Yeah, just like your suit, apparently."

Bruce's eyes widened in shock and surprise. "What are you talking about. Mr. Fox said my suit was good to go."

"Trust me, he's a villain in disguise and wishes you will get killed. But seriously, why are you hiding in a dark alley?"

Bruce puffs his chest brafely. "I'm on a stake-out." Then adding in whisper voice; "A little birdie told me there's gonna be a drug-swap in this alley tonight."

"Wait, you spoke with Penguin?"

"Wait, what?" Bruce then shook his head.  "No. I overheard Bullock this afternoon."

Selina smirked; "Bullock is not a bird. He's more like a…sloth."

"Yes, well, could you just leave and let me do my job?"

"What kind of job would that be? Get your butt kicked?"

"What? No. Trust me, Mr. Fox's handcrafted suit protects me. I won't feel a thing. He promised me."

Selina rolled her eyes then sighed; "I can stab you so fast you wouldn't be able to feel a thing. I can even promise you that."

"Just leave, Selina."

"Yeah, not gonna happen. I think it's my duty as a civilian of this fair city to protect the only person who's idiotic enough to think he can save it."

Bruce rolls his eyes. "And how are you going to do that?"

The next thing Bruce felt was the bottom of Selina's boot.

Three hours later, Selina entered the manor through the back door dragging a very ruffled Bruce behind her. Then she dropped him onto the kitchen floor and snapped to the two dazed looking males; "Not only his suit is trash but his fighting skills as well. And this is why he's not ready yet to be the man he thinks he can be. Me, a much shorter street girl was able to knock him out in just five punches."


End file.
